A different Thanksgiving

Well, after not reporting on the last 3 weeks, I don't know where to start, but I was thinking that Thanksgiving would be a great place.... Thanksgiving really starts for me the Sunday before, when we have our Thanksgiving service at church. We have a "blessing box" that we put answered prayer requests, or anything we want to praise God for, into all during the year, and then the Sunday before Thanksgiving, we distribute them out to the congregation, and we spend time reading them off together. It's nice to remember things you'd prayed for back in Jan or Feb - things that blessed others that you weren't even really aware of. Then of course it's the first Thanksgiving meal after church. I love all the scrumptious food! I make the usual - devilled eggs and my dads creamy mashed potatoes, and usually take along some dessert - this year it was my dad's "pink stuff". A yummy treat - give it a try:

1 can crushed pineapple REALLY drained

1 tub cool whip

1 small box strawberry jello

1/2 bag mini marshmallows

large container small curd cottage cheese.

Mix it all together and chill for a few hours. It's very easy and tasty!

So then comes Thanksgiving day, which was different for me this year. There was no meal with Mom and Dad before going to Andy's families. Instead there was a graveyard visit.

I just wanted to be there, within feet of my dad. But I have found that 6 feet is a pretty big separation. I just wanted to be close but it didn't help. He'd been gone for 52 days. It just makes me think about the next 52 years without him. So, this Thanksgiving, I cannot express my thankfulness that my dad accepted Jesus Christ as his savior. That I have the certain assurance that he is well and living, more alive than ever, with God in Heaven. I don't know how I could handle it if I thought he had died and been lost. No matter what hard and bad memories are etched into me forever of those last days, I know my Dad was freed from that into something wonderful. Whatever guilt I have over not doing enough, not being there enough, not being able to make it right for him - he is in perfect happiness now, and at least he isn't burdened by those same things. I know, that means I shouldn't be either, but it's hard on this end.

I look back at October 2nd, and it is SO plain to see that he was dying all day long, yet I left at noon and was gone an hour to go take a shower. I didn't know that he'd be dead 4 hours later. He'd asked me to stay the night that night before, and I'd told him I couldn't (he'd been asking for 2 weeks and I had been, off and on, I just didn't that night.) So he fell asleep holding my hand and I carefully pryed my hand out slowly, and left. I didn't wake him up to hug him, or tell him I loved him. I didn't know at 5:00 the next morning I'd get a call because they were afraid I wouldn't make it in time before he died (2 minutes away). I would give anything just to have that stupid hour back that I went home! I would not have let go of my Dad's hand for anything in the world that night if I'd known it was the last one. I just cling to the hope that maybe God tells the people we love the things he knows our hearts long to pour out to them. It's amazing to know that Jesus, who intercedes for us, is there with Dad. He could - he could tell him the things I wish I could. I don't know if He does that or not, but I wish He did. I can pray, and know that God is can look at my Dad - I'm just so thankful. And, some people don't get to be close to the people they love at the end - and I had that. I guess I just wanted to do everything perfectly, according to my ideals, and some of those things didn't happen, but there is still so much to be thankful for.

So, anyway, I spent the whole drive out to Ravenden Springs crying after the graveyard visit, because somehow a visit with a heap of dirt wasn't enough for me. My first year without dad's dressing - a special pan with no onions just for me. The next morning mom left for Arizona till the middle of January. So this is my first holiday season without my parents. Dad loved Christmas. Which is probably why Mom left.

Gosh! Aren't we glad I started blogging again? Where was this the whole time Dad was sick? So, anyway, God did give me a treat for thanksgiving - the night before, He let me dream of Dad - he called me on the phone and then I got to see him. I had hoped that maybe, just maybe, God let that really happen, but put it in a dream - so that I really did get to hug dad and tell him to his face again how much I love and miss him, so that Dad really knows. Now, I know that kind of thing sounds dumb, and unrealistic, but let me tell you - you start taking anything you can get, even the weird ideas! I remember after Dad died, one night I was laying in bed, and Andy wanted to watch t.v. and I just wanted to tell him, "but if I go to sleep, I might get to see Dad." I still listen to his messages on the answering machine.

OKAY!!!!! I have sat here and bawled myself into a snubbing mess. Dad's in Heaven!!! Wonderful, Awesome, Amazing, Glorious, not-cancerous Heaven. That is Joyous! I do know that. Besides, I have my mom - my hubby and kids - my friends - my church - and Dr. Pepper. I just added a couple of pictures - the first is of me and Dad when I was 9 months old - I believe Dad was 39 or 40 there. The last one is of a family get together we had a month after dad found out he was sick - that was taken about 10 weeks before he died. Happens fast. He told me later that he was hurting bad the whole time he was there - he was only able to stay about an hour. But you couldn't tell he was hurting by the way he was acting. He knew that was the last time he'd see some of the family. Anyway, just wanted to share those with you.

So, I need to go, but in the coming days, I want to post about my first Chiropractic visit, dance fever, a little schin-dig I had at my place, our awesome interpretive movement, and life in general, but for now laundry is calling my name. But hey, I have the dishes done! Where is my award! Blessings! More later!